From Miracle on 34th Street to Rankin-Bass television specials, people have been using the magic of the motion picture to bring Christmas to life. Thanks to YouTube, thousands of heartwarming Christmas videos can help spread the holiday cheer each December.

The following YouTube videos, however, are an exception.

We at the Daily Dot scoured YouTube for some of the weirdest, most WTF holiday-themed videos ever produced. From home movies of creepy Santa Claus decorations to caroling cats, what we present to you barely scratches the surface of what is out there. This year, forgo the repeated airings of A Christmas Story and celebrate the holiday with...

1) meowychristmas, “Jingle Cats waltz-of-the-flowers”

"Jingle Cats," developed by music producer Mike Spalla, is a video series featuring meows, howls, and other sounds from the Internet's favorite animal edited together to create popular holiday music. It kicked off in 1991 when a cat named "Cheesepuff" wandered into a Los Angeles recording studio and began meowing along with a taping of "Jingle Bells."

Almost all of the "Jingle Cats" videos out there are off-putting, even to hardcore cat-lovers. "Waltz of the Flowers," however, is truly terrifying. The camera's slow and steady pans through a garden of unblinking cat faces will ruin all future viewings of The Nutcracker for you.

2) easyexplainvideo, “The Santa Claus cartoon—secret facts about the childhood of Santa Claus”

St. Nicholas may be the widely accepted origin of Santa Claus, but the folks at Easy Explain Video use their creation "The Santa Claus cartoon—secret facts about the childhood of Santa Claus" to address the issue that arises every holiday season. Of course, that issue is "what's with all the socks?"

In just a minute and a half, viewers of the video discover that Santa Claus, drawn to evoke the vision of an "ex-con mall Sana," has a dirty secret. His father's sock factory (yes, Mr. Claus Sr. owned and operated a sock factory) produced an overabundance of the footwear. The constant exposure to socks caused his son to go a bit crazy and deliver socks each year.

There is one way to rid Christmas of socks forever: Share the video with as many people as possible, of course.

3) yolandafundora, “Jumping Jacks perform for you their favorite song”

The sole video uploaded by YouTube user yolandafundora, "Jumping Jacks perform for you their favorite song" features footage of a wooden Santa and—why not?—clown figurines doing jumping jacks as the theme song from 1992’s The Crying Game plays in the background.

That movie’s famous scene, in which Jaye Davidson’s character is revealed to be a post-op transwoman, certainly invoked a multitude of reactions from audiences. It’s a safe bet that these reactions did not include jumping jacks. 

If they did, let's hope they found a clown to join in.

4) pyrohentaiman, “Nutcracker Christmas Rave”

Bored YouTube user pyrohentaiman decided to pass the time waiting for his family's Thanksgiving dinner to cook by hosting a rave. But his attendees were not ecstasy-enhanced partiers swinging illuminated bracelets. 

Instead, they were nutcrackers.

Using the old standby effect of stop-motion animation, pyrohentaiman’s Nutcracker collection dances under flashing, colorful lights as images of turkey and other Thanksgiving staples are interspersed.

5) Chris Cobb, “Star Trek Christmas”

Christmas may have made it into the future, but halfway-decent costumes and acting skills did not.

If YouTube user Chris Cobb’s video is to be believed, Christmas will actually be stolen on Stardate 12.24.06. With the rest of the universe unable to do anything to remedy the situation, the fate of the holiday will rest with Captain Phillips and his crew of officers.

This Enterprise crew, who seemingly attended Starfleet Community College as opposed to Starfleet Academy, assemble on their bridge, played by a green-screened set (this is not at all obvious, unless you have eyes). Donning costumes straight from the United Federation of Dollar Stores, the crew receives orders to intercept the theft of Christmas from (footage of) the Grinch. Along the way, they will stumble through forced jokes, such as a Starfleet officer telling them "May the force be with you."

We can only hope that the continuing voyages of Captain Phillips and his crew become the next generation of the Star Trek New Voyages fanfic series. 

6) campbloodbuzz, “Campblood.org's Holiday Yule Log”

In 1966, New York City television station WPIX-TV produced "Yule Log," an hours-long video of logs burning. The footage was meant to be played in the background of holiday celebrations in the households of families who did not have fireplaces but did possess television sets; its idea was to replicate a fireplace’s warmth. You know, without the actual "warmth" aspect.

The folks at campblood.org, a horror fan site, decided to make 2010 the year in which the Yule Log was substantially improved—with Gremlins.

In the 1984 movie Gremlins, one of the titular creatures hides in a Christmas tree. When it attacks Lynn Peltzer (Frances Lee McCain), Billy Peltzer (Zach Galligan) beheads it with a sword. Landing in the fireplace, the head screeches as it is consumed by the flames.

"Campblood.org's Holiday Yule Log" is a 75-second-long loop of this scene, interspersed with screengrabs of the movie and set to an instrumental version of "Jingle Bells."

As you and your family open presents underneath the tree this year, perhaps replace your own fireplace with the sights and sounds of a disembodied Gremlin head being burned alive.

7) Scott Baty, “WTF Christmas Lights Ditto”

This video is quite literally "WTF."

During the holidays, exterior home decoration can range from "none" to “National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation." Similarly, the reactions of people viewing your various light strands, illuminated figures, and inflatables can range from "meh" to "ZOMG WTF is that?!"

A residence near YouTube user Scott Baty’s home decided to react to its next-door neighbor's display with its own set of decorations.

8) ITNExtreme, “Famous faces pooping at Nativity”

This holiday season, make sure every figurine in your Nativity scene is accounted for: the happy Baby Jesus, the awestruck Virgin Mary, and the pooping Kate Middleton.

"Famous faces pooping at Nativity" was produced and uploaded by This Is Genius, a website dedicated to telling the world's oddest stories. In this video, viewers visit Barcelona, Spain, and explore the inclusion of caganers, or figurines literally taking a dump, in the city's Nativity display. In addition to faceless guests, certain caganers are modeled after famous people, including members of the Royal Family, President Obama, and even Pope Benedict XVI.

Inviting time-traveling celebrities to crudely fertilize the soil is the best way Mary and Joseph could exact revenge on that stubborn innkeeper who stuck them in a stable.

9) crazytapes, “Skelo-Claus”

In 1993, Tim Burton successfully mixed Halloween and Christmas together with the blockbuster film The Nightmare Before Christmas.

In 2006, YouTube user crazytapes uploaded his attempt at the holiday combination. Resulting from the experiment is a truly frightening spectacle that has been viewed over 350,000 times.

Attaching an animatronic talking skull to the body of a motorized Santa Claus figurine (no, we do not know why Santa was headless to begin with), "Skelo-Claus" entertains his audience with a baritone rendition of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

10) 508ma, “Santa chicken Dance”

It's the same thing every holiday season: You're in the pet store, looking for Fido's stocking-stuffer and hoping that the cats don't burst into a sudden rendition of "Waltz of the Flowers." Suddenly, you turn down an aisle and there is Santa Claus himself doing the chicken dance—sort of.

Uploaded by YouTube user 508ma, the video's description reads, "Santa dose the chicken dance for a cause at the pet shop." The "cause" is not explicitly stated, shown, or possibly even existent. From the way this particular St. Nick carries himself, he and Mrs. Claus do not get invited to a lot of weddings, as his interpretation of the "Chicken Dance" only includes bits and pieces of the actual movements.”

Maybe this year we will see a "Gangnam Style" Santa Claus.

11) NotoriousHEB, “Home Alone Deleted Scene: Marv and Harry’s Christmas Carol”

When it was released in 1990, Home Alone became not only a popular holiday staple, but also one of the biggest movies of all time. Even today, more than 20 years later, its lines ("I don't think so") and scenes (battling burglars with paint cans) retain their notoriety.

A deleted scene from the movie features burglars Marv (Daniel Stern) and Harry (Joe Pesci) discussing their plans of robbing the posh suburban neighborhood in which the movie is set—by making up lyrics to "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town." Pesci is especially energetic about the improvised carol.

Exactly why director John Hughes didn't want to initially treat the world to the musical stylings of the Goodfellas actor and Fred Savage's interior monologue from The Wonder Years is beyond comprehension.

12) Justin Bishop, “Wilford Brimley reads ‘The Night Before Christmas’”

Trib.com, "Wyoming's Online News Source" apparently felt that there would be no one better to read the classic Christmas poem "’Twas the Night Before Christmas" than veteran character actor Wilford Brimley, who has been playing "grandfatherly” characters since the late 1800s. In this video, Brimley, whose red shirt and overalls look less like "Heartland of America farmer" and more like "Super Mario," reads the story from—what else?—a pop-up book.

The enthusiasm Brimley exhibited when trying to sell TV audiences Quaker Oats or Liberty Medical Supplies is noticeably absent in his recitation. Instead, his delivery is equivalent to that of an elementary school student forced to read textbook passages aloud in class. Viewers get the impression that he is being exposed to the story—and perhaps even the English language—for the first time ever. He also provides viewers with an aspect that other storytellers lack: a nice phlegm-filled cough about 40 seconds in.

Maybe you should stick to rapping, Wil.

Photo via meowychristmas/YouTube

A London fishmonger just might be on his way to becoming the next Psy.

Muhammad Shahid Nazir, better known as the £1 Fish Man, has released a major-label music video eight months after a video of his “One Pound Fish” song appeared online.

Psy had a long music career (and a number of dance moves) before “Gangnam Style” went online and shot the Korean rapper to international superstardom, but Nazir, a Pakistani immigrant who moved his family from Pakistan to London in order to find a better life, was a fishmonger with an extremely catch trader’s call: “Come on ladies, come on ladies, one pound fish” before he went viral.

Colin Miller, a freelance web designer, captured Nazir, who had already become a local legend, singing at the request of customers at his stand in Queens Market, Upton Park and put it on his YouTube channel in April. The video instantly went viral.

“This bloke is a legend,” Miller wrote in the description. “One Pound Fish, market stall trader. He certainly entertains the good folk of East London with his unique song.”

It was watched over 4.2 million times and remixed by The Poke, Mindless Behavior and Timbaland, among others.

A couple months later, Nazir auditioned for The X Factor. He didn’t make it past the first round, but a record company approached him to record the song anyway.“One Pound Fish” is now backed by the massive Warner Music Group.

With almost 500,000 views in less than 24 hours, “One Pound Fish” is just as ridiculous as “Gangnam Style.” With the aid of auto-tune and a catchy beat, Nazir’s trader’s call is turned into a dance track as he grooves with the backup dancers, handles a number of plastic fish and jams in front of a number of London landmarks.

He even has his own animal-based signature move: His arm moves like a fin for the fish he’s selling.

For Nazir, it was a dream come true.

“I always wanted to be a pop singer,” Nazir told the Guardian in July. “I was shouting one day and started singing the next. God put the words in my mouth.”

And if nothing else, business at his fish stand will be booming.

Photo via OnePoundFishManTV/YouTube

With over 72 hours of footage uploaded every minute, it’s physically impossible to keep track of the content on YouTube. But in YouTube Guide, the Daily Dot will curate its five favorite finds for each workday.

1) beatdownboogie, “Mario Warfare - Part 1”

Combining a Nintendo classic with the modern first-person shooter games, Bowser invades the Mushroom Kingdom and the King, Peach and Toad (as a master assassin) try to escape as Mario and Luigi decide to join the military.

2) EW, “Best and Worst of 2012: Game of Thrones on the CW”

Game of Thrones would be full of forbidden romances—and that’s not even including the incest plotline—if it aired on the CW instead of HBO. Three couples have to fight past barriers in order to get to each other.

3) Jon and Al Kaplan, “The Hobbit: The Musical”

When it comes to defending making a 300-page book into three full-length movies, Gandalf is the first to say that it’s not unadulterated greed, but rather there’s plenty to show with battles, tracking shots and cameos.

4) Dane Christianson, “X-Cube”

Dane Christianson created an x-shaped Rubik’s cube using CAD and 3-D printing and, without comment, demonstrated the different ways you can scramble and put the cube back together.

5) BoredShortsTV, “Kid Snippets: ‘Safety Assembly’ (Kids Tell, Adults Act)”

In the latest “Kid Snippets” episode, children voice adults as they go over different safety procedures when they bike to school. From the looks of their audience, it looks like it would fit perfectly on The Office.

Photo via beatdownboogie/YouTube

Every evening, the Daily Dot delivers a selection of links worth clicking from around the Web, along with the day's must-see image or video. We call it Dotted Lines.

• Ashton Kutcher invites you to his “A-plus List.” What is it? We’ll apparently find out in 2013.
• Now available on Craigslist: Coffee processed via human feces. Mmm, tasty!
• Google explains what caused that Gmail and Google Apps outage yesterday morning.
• Good news for privacy: Britain reconsiders the so-called “Snoopers’ Charter.”
• Falcon Heene, the kid formerly known as “Balloon Boy” is now 9 years old ... and he’s in a metal band.

Above: Yoko Ono performs Katy Perry’s “Firework.” We think. It’s hard to tell without the words. And notes.

Please stop playing this music. It hurts me. It hurts me… so much.

Vince Guaraldi Trio, “The Charlie Brown Christmas Songs” 

“Peanuts” is already the most depressing thing on the face of the earth; in fact, reading Peanuts cartoons probably turned me into the maladjusted young man that I am today. As a kid, I read Charlie Brown and Snoopy because they were comic strips – but then, I would have read any comic strips, no matter what, just because they were in bright primary colors.

But without realizing it, I was absorbing Charlie Brown’s subliminal message, which is this : LIFE SUCKS AND THERE IS NO HOPE FOR ANYONE EVER. #GRIMANDDARK.

Don’t believe me about this? Here’s an actual “Peanuts” strip:

Snoopy is lying on top of his dog house in the middle of the night: “Sometimes, I stare up at the stars and wonder what my purpose in life is!”

“…And then it comes to me.”

He rolls over and shows us his huge melancholy searching eyes.

“…I haven’t the slightest idea!”

THAT’S THE ENTIRE COMIC STRIP, PEOPLE. Jesus Christ. And they’re all like that. Oy.

Anyway, the message of the Charlie Brown Christmas special, as far as I can tell, is this: “Eventually your friends might stop being dicks to you after an extremely long period of time.” …Uplifting-ish! Yay. And now, because of the Charlie Brown special, we all get to listen to downbeat melancholy jazz during the three-month “Christmas music” period. I can occasionally handle downbeat jazz, but it doesn’t exactly spell “celebration” to me, and certainly it doesn’t when I’m hearing it while I’m standing in line at CVS, while my nose is running, while I’m already worrying about spending time with my family. I’m not sayin’; I’m just saying. …Charlie Brown, you unhappy blockhead!

Traditional, “The Little Drummer Boy”

The Li-tttle Drummer Boy bhraum-bah-ba-buum. It’s in a minor chord, bhraum-bah-ba-buum. It sounds like a herd of suicidal elephants, BRHAUM-bah-ba-buum. …Please get me out of the CVS or wherever is playing this song… bhraum-bah-ba-buum.

Smashing Pumpkins, “Christmastime”

Aw HELL naw. Christmas and the Smashing Pumpkins should never be mixed, ever, ever. Which is to say, Christmas and goth-y sludge should never be mixed. Even hearing the first line of this song makes me want to off myself. Thanks a lot, Mr. Billy Corigan.

Traditional, “Good King Wenceslas”

If you actually listen to this song, it’s about a peasant starving to death. But he’s anice peasant, and he helps the king, so he gets saved and gets some food.

And then what? So he just goes back to his hovel after that? Sure his tummy is stuffed with roast beef or whatever, but how long’s that going to last?

And doesn’t giving the peasant a single good meal give him a “taste” for the non-peasant life, which is even worse, sort of? ‘Cause that’s all that happens in this song. The peasant gets one good meal. Then it’s back to hardtack and swill for him after that… forever.

“Hey, did I tell you about the time I had dinner with the King?” the peasant says for the rest of this life. “Yeah, yeah; shut up already, we’ve heard that story a million times before,” everyone else replies.

Bing Crosby, “White Christmas”

Great, you’re dreaming of a White Christmas. Oh, GOOD. GO-OOOOOD FOR YOU-UUUU. You know what, Bing? You’re essentially reminding me that I’m probablynot going to experience a White Christmas this year, since I’ve only had about three of those in my entire lifetime.

But more than that, let’s examine even the best-case scenario here. Say that I’m at home, surrounded by fires and baked hams and eggnog and loving relatives. Let’s say that even that is happening. Even if I am experiencing a “White Christmas,” this song is just making imagine an even better imaginary snowy Christmas that puts my own to shame. That’s the power of song, and of storytelling. Or, to quote the poet Stephen Mallarmé: “I say [the word] ‘flower,’ and outside the oblivion to which my voice relegates any shape…. there arises musically the one absent from every bouquet.”

By describing the perfect Christmas — the X-mas absent from every bouquet, if you will — Bing Crosby in fact is ruining our own flawed human Christmases. That’s pretty heavy, I know, for a wacky list of depressing songs. But now I’ve put my degree in poetry to use.

Judy Garland, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

Okay, this song is supposed to be depressing. Got that, people? Here are the original lyrics, which were subsequently changed in order to prevent people from throwing themselves off of bridges:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last,
Next year we may all be living in the past
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, pop that champagne cork,
Next year we will all be living in New York.

No good times like the olden days, happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who were dear to us, will be near to us no more.

But at least we all will be together, if the Fates allow,
From now on we’ll have to muddle through somehow.
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Christ! It’s a song from a movie with Judy Garland where she moans about how awful her year is and how she’s moving to a different town and she’s going to miss the boy that she loves. As if just even thinking about Judy Garland isn’t depressing enough already. ‘Cause when I think Judy, I don’t really think “Christmas.” Rather, what I think is “alcohol, amphetamines, and anorexia.” Good times? And poor Judy! In conclusion, never play this song again.

Band Aid, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”

Hey, it’s a morally dubious song for poor African folk! Sung by rich celebrities, yet! Gosh, that almost never happens.

Well tonight, thank god it’s them, instead of YEW-WWWW. Thanks for that, Bono. You have now ruined, in order: (1) Christmas, (2) Charity, (3) The putative likability of Irish people, (4) The mullet, and (5) The name “Bono,” not that that one comes up very often.

The Pogues and Kristy MacColl, “Fairytale of New York”

Oh, hey, it’s another jaunty Irish tune! As though that whole Bono thing wasn’t bad enough:

You’re a bum,
You’re a punk,
You’re an old slut on junk,
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed.

You scumbag, you maggot,
You cheap lousy faggot,
Happy Christmas your arse;
I pray God it’s our last…

Ha ha! What a fun couple! They seem perfect for each other! Isn’t Christmas great? Merry blahness, and have a Happy New Year, everyone!

By Oliver Miller

Here at the Daily Dot, we swap GIF images with each other every morning. Now we’re looping you in. In the Morning GIF, we feature a popular—or just plain cool—GIF we found on Reddit, Canvas, or elsewhere on the Internet.

What if Jesus was an ugly baby? Not a question to which theologians have given a great deal of thought, but one which has clearly occurred to artist and filmmaker Kristian Andrews.

Remixing High Renaissance with low comedy, distant past with current events, his “The Deformation of Christ” is truly one of the most unforgettable Christmas GIFs ever seen. Clearly, although only a youthful virgin, Mary has some pull with her babydaddy, as her call for divine intervention is swiftly answered.

Amen, sister. Amen.

GIF via Kristian Andrews/ChristmasGIFs.org

Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, better known simply as Tim and Eric, have created a distinct brand of comedy that’s inspired everything from pasta-filled teddy bears to an annual holiday, “Chrimbus.”

With three television series, one movie (Tim and Eric’s Billion-Dollar Movie), and a plethora of Web shorts under their collective belts, the duo cornered the market on surreal and absurdist material. Or so it seemed,.

On social news site Reddit, there’s a community for content that’s comparable to Tim and Eric, aptly titled r/NotTimAndEric.

The subreddit was created after subscribers to the actual subreddit for Tim and Eric continually posted links to similar material.

“Despite the bold red text on the submission page saying that non T&E related material will be removed, I still remove a few posts per week that are sort of T&E's style, but completely unrelated,” o85, the moderador for both subreddits, wrote to the Daily Dot.

The creation of  r/NotTimAndEric in February 2012 has had an unintended as well, creating a community where redditors gather to share humorous content in the same vein as the Adult Swim personalities.

What exactly does that content look like?

Subscriber Boncef submitted the awkward video below, currently the highest-upvoted link on the subreddit with 126 points. Another submission, posted by subscriber thesmoothsmoothness, contains footage of a public access program in which an overweight woman sings about men who “love the big girls.” Both clips, which take WTF to an entirely new level, would seemingly fit perfectly in between advertisements for “Shrim,” a staple of Tim and Eric’s Billion-Dollar Movie.

o85 points to the submission “Pickle Surprise” as an example of material that, in his opinion, comes closest to actual Tim and Eric content.

Overall, he views the subreddit as a “collection of weird videos found around the net” and not as anything that could collectively form the comedy duo’s successor.

“Most fail when it comes to creating their own T&E-esque stuff,” he explained. “Rarely funny or amusing.”

Photo via urban_data/Flickr

Even though there are still two weeks until Christmas, Bailey, a local french bulldog, has reportedly already finished all of his gift shopping.  Sources close to the situation tell The Fluffington Post that Bailey went on a serious shopping spree at Target earlier this week.

“Last year, Bailey was still scrambling for presents on Christmas Eve,” said close friend Amy Torres.  ”It was really stressful for him and I know he wanted to avoid that this year.”

Via bailey_thefrenchie.

What if Jimmy McNulty were on the case of Walter White?

A YouTuber has created a Breaking Bad supercut set to each season's opening sequence of HBO's Baltimore crime drama The Wire. The video begins with visuals from the first season of Breaking Bad rolling under The Wire’s theme song, the Blind Boys of Alabama’s take on Tom Waits's “Way Down in the Hole.” The other seasons of each show are recut in the same way.

YouTuber James Montalbano has done a tremendous job of aping the style of The Wire’s credits, giving a terrific sense of the world of Breaking Bad (tread carefully, though: There are some pretty big spoilers tucked in here). 

The clip focuses on the hands and the objects of Albuquerque more than it does faces, helping viewers understand exactly what Breaking Bad is about. The quick cuts show the mechanics of life in White’s universe, as The Wire’s opening credits did for the show’s version of Baltimore. Perhaps the most effective aspect is the way in which a hammer breaking a sheet of meth uses the sound of the glass on a CCTV camera shattering in The Wire’s real credits.

As with The Wire, there’s an emphasis on phones (a key aspect of the HBO show), drugs, and police work in the re-cast title sequences. The various versions of “Way Down in the Hole” used in each of The Wire’s seasons brilliantly complement Breaking Bad’s visuals. 

Fingers crossed that lawyers for HBO and AMC let Montalbano’s great work stay on YouTube. Otherwise, he better call Saul.

Photo via James Montalbano/YouTube

Every day, the Daily Dot finds something that people on Facebook are sharing and, in turn, shares it with you—with a little explanation. Here's today's share.

Were you worried that your buddy Vin Diesel was tapping out this holiday season?

Don’t, brah.

Diesel posted a picture of himself, wearing a Santa cap and grinning like, well, a kid at Christmas, to Facebook Tuesday evening. And with it, he posted a profound message of cheer and goodwill to all humankind:

“Haha... The Holiday spirit... yeah, I'm in."

Nearly 400,000 people have already far liked the picture. Though it seems a parody, not far removed from the #VinDieselSunday jokes on Twitter, it’s actually pretty much in line with his usual Facebook activity. In September, for instance, he changed his cover photo to one of himself, wearing a tight t-shirt and sporting that same massive grin, captioned with childish letters that read “smile more.”

Diesel’s phenomenally popular on Facebook. He’s got 36 million fans there (compare that with Barack Obama, who has a mere 34 million). Judging from the comments, most fans like the picture because it reminds them they want to have sex with him.

“Can i sit on your lap santa,” asked Debrow Toni.

“You can come down my chimney anytime!” offered Blanche Harding.

Photo via Vin Diesel/Facebook

Balloon Boy is back—and he's rocking out.

That's right, 9-year-old Falcon "Balloon Boy" Heene has made his triumphant return to the Internet limelight, reemerging from his bizarre childhood as one third of Heene Boyz, a heavy metal band featuring Falcon and his two brothers. The group is based in Spring Hill, Fla., and performs songs with names like "Candy Cane" and "Latte Vampires."

The whole thing is almost as strange as everything else the family has done in the past.

In case you can't remember all the way back to 2009, Falcon Heene was the 6-year-old kid who hid inside his family's garage while his parents sent America on a wild goose chase to find an errant balloon that they claimed temporarily inhabited their kid. 

The strange hoax became the topic of national news, and brought all sorts of media types out to their old home in Fort Collins, Colo., where all of the family's interviews were running smoothly until Falcon eventually vomited on NBC's Today and told CNN's Wolf Blitzer that his family fabricated the story "for the show."

At that point, everybody in America had had enough of the crazy Heene clan and went back to impersonating Kanye West's famous"I'ma let you finish …" speech.

Yo Falcon, I'ma let you finish, butthe Reaper had one of the best preteen heavy metal bands of all time! Of All Time!

It's important to note that this is not the first time Falcon Heene has emerged online as a major player in the modern music world. Shortly after the whole Balloon Boy fiasco, a YouTube video called "Falcon Heene Rap" surfaced that found Falcon and his two brothers doing their best Beastie Boys impression while they walked cockily down a train track. 

Photo via Heene Boyz

If you spend enough time in record stores, you start seeing the same albums in the crates: Grand Funk Railroad, Barbara Streisand, Herb Alpert, Bing Crosby, and that Al Jarreau LP my mom inexplicably gave me on my 22nd birthday.

Such forgotten relics from another era—scuffed and tattered and left for the taking at some garage sale decades ago—are usually only good for collecting dust or hipster crafts (coasters, bowls, etc.).

Then there’s Bargain Bin Blasphemy, the best new Tumblr I’ve come across since Bun B’s Rap Coloring Book or Helpful Kitchen Danzig.

With just a little bit of corpse paint, the anonymous artist makes Amy Grant look like King Diamond, a black metal beacon with a church ablaze in the background. It’s simple, shocking, and very effective, branded with pentagrams and upside-down crosses.

Greatest hits thus far include Santa’s Black Christmas, Sade’s Ravishing Mellowness, and the Judds’ Judd, Jury, and Executioner. It’s a shame the records themselves aren’t half as interesting.

If you act fast, you could be the proud owner of one of these gems. To commemorate hitting 1,000 followers on Tumblr, the artist placed four of the LPs on eBay in a three-day auction that ends later today, and left this fitting epitaph for the holidays:

“Drink the nog, awaken the dark one.”

All photos via Bargain Bin Blasphemy

The conclusiveness of a story’s final line is just as powerful as the world of possibility that unfolds with its opening.

The Last Words documents the final lines of fictional books and the last few syllables uttered by some well-known people on their deathbeds. There’s an impactful finality to the tweets, knowing that those stories will not continue beyond that point.

There’s a poetic sensibility to most of these phrases and sentences, and looking at them as short stories in their own right paints them in a new light.

In the words of Spaced’s Tim Bisley, let’s skip to the end.

Photo by Matt McGee/Flickr

Earlier this month, Reddit installed a new feature that allowed users with Reddit gold—a suite of fancy tools and perks you can buy for $4—to save their favorite comments. Here are our favorites from the most-saved list, recently blogged by Reddit general manager Erik Martin. Go nuts.

Comments

• [r/AskReddit] Free to use, freeware or open-source applications that everyone should have installed

• [r/TalesFromTechSupport] A friendly bot named Lenny that will talk to telemarketers for as long as they stay on the line

• [r/IAMA] A private chef's basic spaghetti recipe

• [r/Columbus] Delivering the "scientific smackdown" to an ignorant and racist distortion of the truth

• [r/SocialSkills] A strategy to carry a conversation on almost any topic

• [r/JusticePorn] An amazing story of confronting a bully years later 

• [r/AskReddit] A secret that won't be revealed until 2060

• [r/NeedAdvice]"I feel like I've been punched in the face, but in a valuable way"

• [r/Cooking] The secret to good mac & cheese is in the roux

Posts

• [r/Funny] Over 700 gifs. Use them wisely

• [r/AskReddit] Real life cheat codes written by the reddit community

• [r/reddit.com] My favorite discoveries in 5 years of redditing 

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Let's face it: The weather in Britain is boring. It's cloudy. It's wet. It's not really doing much.

Anybody who talks about it is obviously on their last conversational legs. It's really just something that you want to avoid at all costs.

Unless, of course, you're the individual behind the Twitter account for Surrey's police department in Southeast England. Then, talking about the weather is fun.

We say this because of three tweets sent Tuesday morning that foretold some inclimate weather conditions in a very unique method of phrasing, one that threw a nod to Vanilla Ice, that legend of bad rap songs from the 1980s and that second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick.

Get it? It was really icy out in Surrey on Tuesday!

To be honest, operation #IceIceSurrey is hardly the full extent of this mysterious tweeter's outstanding personality. The @SurreyPolice account is chock full of alternative methods of public relations, from broadcasting arrest reports to the tune of "Deck the Halls" to casting double entendres about robberies that pertain to stolen caffeine.  

No wonder the account has managed to accumulate more than 18,000 followers. Alright, enough talk. Stop, collaborate, and listen:

Photo via Vanilla Ice Real Estate/Facebook

Now you might have the chance to walk in FPSRussia’s shoes.

YouTube personality FPSRussia has one of the most popular channels on the video sharing site, with more than 3 million subscribers, but the weapons enthusiast just reached another major milestone: Obtaining the funds to create his own video game.

Kyle Lamar Myers, the man behind the videos that show off video-game-style weapons and ammo in real life, launched a Kickstarter project to fund FPSRussia: The Game on Nov. 22 and just passed his goal of $51,337 with less than two days of fundraising to go. As of press time, he’s raised $51,484 for his video game—with a little help from massive online community The Chive—and that number is sure to grow before the Kickstarter campaign ends.

Myers plans to make the game free for the iPhone, iPad and Android (with weapons and upgrades you can buy within the app), although if he raises enough money he wants to make the game available on Xbox Live, and possibly release a PC and Mac version.

“This game will have what all FPS fans want: LOTS AND LOTS OF WEAPONS,” Myers wrote on the Kickstarter page.

Having already put about $25,000 of his own money into the project to cover the cost of designing the game, Myers looked towards his subscribers for help.

In his Kickstarter video, Myers portrays Dmitri Potapoff, the “Professional Russian” made famous in his YouTube videos, as he is held hostage after borrowing money from the “wrong people” in order to make a video game for his fans.

“I tried to make the game,” Myers said. “I did my best. I got the developer, we went out in the field, we did a little bit of research and development, but we had a slight setback.”

The game takes its plot from Myers’s FPSRussia videos: Dmitri needs to get past his enemies in order to get home after borrowing money from the wrong people.

As with other Kickstarter projects, the more money you pledge, the more you will receive as a reward, ranging from a $10 in-game credit, to an Associate Producer credit, to spending a day at the range with FPS Russia if you can shell out $10,000.

On Tuesday, with his goal in sight, Myers posted an update where he revealed more screenshots of the game.

“Thank you to all of the subscribers and fans who’ve donated and all the Chivers who joined on,” Myers wrote.

Photos via FPS Russia/Kickstarter

Of course comedian Aziz Ansari is the creator of @SergeantBrody, a parody Twitter account that shrewdly mocks the Showtime drama Homeland.

In an investigation that would even wow the pugnacious David Estes, the Hollywood Reporter outed Ansari in an article Wednesday. A staffer for the paper noticed that Ansari accidentally posted a Homeland tweet to his personal Twitter account, quickly deleted it, and reposted it to @SergeantBrody.

The Brody account began Oct. 29 and has garnered 30,000 followers since it first started tweeting jokes from the two-timing soldier’s point of view. Brody’s jokes mock the deplorable characters, like his dopey daughter Dana, boring son Chris, douchebag “best friend” Mike Faber, and his often naked wife Jess.

“Spending time with my boring son Chris is almost worse torture than I experienced in Iraq. #MySonisSoBoring,” accurately tweeted @SergeantBrody. Another tweet mocked Brody’s much-derided daughter: “Hey Dana, can you run me over too so I don't have to see you moping around for the rest of my fucking life?”

A rep for Ansari “declined comment” to THR regarding the account’s owner, but Ansari is a prolific fan of the Emmy-winning drama, and often tweets his reactions to episodes of the show. Also, the Parks and Recreation star has retweeted the parody account from his personal Twitter profile on multiple occasions.

Not that we’re going to turn up the jazz, swallow a cocktail of feel-good pills, and map out evidence Carrie Mathison-style, but the parody account’s voice does sound like Ansari’s. (C’mon there’s even a #BoneZone hashtag!) But if he doesn’t confirm soon, prepare to see our cry face.

Photo via SergeantBrody/Twitter

With over 72 hours of footage uploaded every minute, it’s physically impossible to keep track of the content on YouTube. But in YouTube Guide, the Daily Dot will curate its five favorite finds for each workday.

1) Owen Weber, “The Charlie Brown School of Dance (Peanuts)”

Linus Van Pelt is all grown up, and he’s here to help you stop ruining everything with your dancing. At the Charlie Brown School of Dance, you’ll be able to learn some of the “hottest dance moves” that the Peanuts Gang made famous.

2) Pentatonix, “NSYNC Medley”

This a cappella group covers and blends five of the biggest hits made famous by the ‘90s boy band into one medley that any *NSYNC fan or ‘90s kid missing “the good old days” can sink their teeth into.

3) Google, “Zeitgeist 2012: Year in Review”

With just two weeks left in 2012, Google created a time capsule with the terms people searched most often and the biggest historic events, discoveries, milestones and stories to emerge during the past year.

4) The Warp Zone, “ONE RING”

With the help of One Direction, Frodo, Bilbo and Gollum duke it out for the One Ring the only way they know how. Gandalf and Sam Gamgee want to destroy it, but the Ringbearers have other plans in mind for it.

5) Matin Comedy, “The Dark Knight as a Romantic Comedy Trailer”

Bruce Wayne is your average single billionaire pining over a girl he can’t have, but in order for him to win Rachel’s heart he has to get past her fiancé and her ex-boyfriend when The Dark Knight is reimagined as a romantic comedy.

Photo via Owen Weber/YouTube

Every evening, the Daily Dot delivers a selection of links worth clicking from around the Web, along with the day's must-see image or video. We call it Dotted Lines.

• Oregon mall shooter Jacob Tyler Roberts listed “shooting” as an interest on Facebook.
• Murder suspect and antivirus software magnate John McAfee has been kicked out of Guatemala and returned to the United States for questioning.
• Flickr’s new mobile app is so good that Flickr could be the new Flickr.
• How websites you visit can find out your name and email address, even when you tell them nothing. 
• Watch out, Netflix: Verizon and Redbox are almost ready to launch their streaming video service.

Above: The third trailer for The Dark Knight Rises, recreated in Lego by ParanickFilmz.

Three society tabloids are reporting that Biscuit the dog (of the Norfolk Biscuits) has fired his personal bath masseuse over disagreements about hours and salary.

“Biscuit needs a masseuse on call 24/7, especially for those late night rub downs,” says Tom Cleveland, household manager for Biscuit’s estate. “I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

Via l4y1337.