Dear Drake,
Just last week, I wrote a letter to you expressing my interest in courtship. Well, it’s come to my attention that you’ve reportedly been sending some pretty thirsty direct Instagram messages to porn star Mia Khalifa. I’d like to officially rescind my offer.
It’s not that I have a problem with you reaching out to Ms. Khalifa: She’s a beautiful and successful woman who is the number one ranked porn star on Pornhub. It’s the manner in which you did it.
In a recent radio interview, Ms. Khalifa said a rapper whose name "rhymes with…'rake'" sent her photos that were “so cringeworthy.” The show’s host joked that you probably sent her a photo of yourself "lying on the bed, shirtless, kinda sad looking" and she responded "halfway there."Wow, Drake. Or should I say “Rake?” I expected better of you. Your mother expected better of you. Your FANS expected better of you. You are a STAR, Drake. Why you gotta slide into her DMs like that? And, more importantly, why not just DM me?
I have so many questions, and far fewer answers.
I was starting to picture our wedding. Us standing under the chuppah, while John Legend sang “All of Me” and Chrissy Teigen softly wept in the crowd. I pictured us standing together proudly on the bimah as Drake Jr. became a bar mitzvah. But I just don’t think this is going to work out between us, and I hope you can understand why.
I just want to leave you with a word of advice: You shouldn’t have to make women like you based on the way you look. That’s what your talent, fame, and money are for.Never yours,
Marisa
H/T Defamer | Photo via JadeDempsey/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)